Self-esteem may seem like a cheesy, mushy topic best suitedfor Dr. Phil and the self-help aisle, but any successful businessperson will tell you that "with risk comes reward" -- and you aregoing to need CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM to take the calculatedrisks that will get you more money, more respect, more time tospend with your family, or whatever it is you want to achieve.Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself.
If you're like mostpeople, your self-esteem can go up and down. One day you might feelreally great about yourself, unafraid to try anything. And the nextday you're just as likely to feel completely down in the dumps,unsure of yourself, unmotivated, and afraid to act.Here are some tips to keep yourself CONFIDENT and feeling goodabout yourself and your life.
1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Human beings can increase or decrease their sense of self-value bycontrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others.But if you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many"opponents" you can't defeat. There will always be some people whohave more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!What's the point? It's about how you feel about yourself.
2. Stop the critic inside of you.Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down. They saynegative things to themselves like, "I'm not good at this, Ishouldn't try" or "There you go again, stupid!" Don't do this toyourself.
Get in the new habit of catching yourself saying criticalthings about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. Ifit's unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.Try to replace a negative thought with a positive thought.
3. Forgive and forget.Don't waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your timecan be wisely spent for other productive things rather thannegative thoughts about the past. Remember, you forgive foryourself, not for the other person. So forgive that person who haswronged you -- you are doing this FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT -- nottheirs.
Forgive them, and move on.
4. Associate with positive, supportive people.Hang out with enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infectedby their positive attitude. You will view the world in its fullshining glory and move around oozing with energy. Stay away fromnegative people. When you are surrounded by negative people whoconstantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem islowered. Zig Ziglar once said "You can't fly with the eagles if youcontinue to scratch with the turkeys." Cheesy, but true.
5. Get involved in work and activities you love.It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent inwork you hate! Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in workand activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable.
And evenif you're not in a position to make immediate changes in yourcareer, you can still devote some of your leisure time toconstructive hobbies or activities that make you happy. Whathealthy things are in your life that make you happy? Do more ofthem!
6. Be true to yourself.Live your own life -- not the life someone decided is best for you.You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel goodabout yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. Soif you're still making decisions based on getting approval fromfriends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and yourself-esteem is lowered.
7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.Words carry power that can hurt other people or yourself.Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth andcomfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Chooseaffirmative words when speaking with someone. Be positive withother people. Be positive with yourself.
8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.There are many things in life that you can't control, so stopblaming yourself for negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honoryour own efforts and give yourself proper credit for things thatyou have done right, and done well. Just the fact that you arespending time reading this is a step in the right direction. Stopliving your life in the rear-view mirror. MOVE FORWARD.
9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs andaccomplishments.Think of times when you did something that you thought that nevercould do, but you managed to pull it off successfully. Count eventhe small breakthroughs and accomplishments. These breakthroughsshould be a source of pride! Make a long list of your ownbreakthroughs and read this list often. While reviewing your list,close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joyyou experienced when you first attained each success. Make a listright now.
10. Make a list of your positive qualities.Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Hard-working? Begenerous with yourself and write down at least 20 positivequalities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Mostpeople dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their lifeisn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits! Stopbeating yourself up.
11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.
You can't develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeatnegative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember thatthere is always a positive in every negative if you look hardenough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, butthe flipside is that you're also persistent and dependable.
12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.Sometimes you have to take a new inventory of what you LIKE aboutyour looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, andcharacter strengths. Don't sell yourself short. It isn't wrong oregotistical to praise yourself. You are probably better than youthink you are.
13. Ignore yourself.Sometimes the real problem isn't self-esteem at all but a tendencytoward overthinking, or thinking to much about yourself and yourcircumstances. When you get this feeling, just stop, and directyour focus to other things. Forget about yourself, and apply yourenergy to completing a task that will get your further towards yourgoals.
14. Accept all compliments with "Thank You."Don't dismiss or ignore compliments. When you do this, you giveyourself the message that you don't deserve you do not deservecompliments, or you are not worthy of praise. Of course you deservepraise. Accept compliments from other people, and respond with asimple "Thank You."
15. Start giving more.Start to give more of yourself to those around you. When you dothings for someone else, you are making a positive contribution andyou begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spiritsand raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast ordowntrodden person, pick her up from the rut. Share with her thewarmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in her eyes.
16. Be your own cheerleader.Tell yourself "Go! You can do it!" This may sound cheesy, but itreally goes a long way. Then, once you accomplish a task, learn howto enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumpingright into the next task as if nothing happened. Imagine yourselfas your own cheerleader on the sidelines, cheering you toward thegoal, then celebrating when you reach it. Again, this isn't silly-- it's smart and contagious.
17. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.There's no faster way to build self-esteem than crossing items offyour "to-do" list. It always feels good to get something done. Andit doesn't necessarily have to be a monumental accomplishment. Theperson who moves a mountain starts by moving small stones. Startsmall, and build your momentum.
18. Examine your pattern of highs and lows.Perhaps you're just in a "praise starvation" mode. Maybe it's beentoo long since you got a compliment or got to do anything thatsomeone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral whenyou said some bad things to someone. It's always good to rememberthat self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns,and remember that it's all in your mind. Force yourself back to thehigh-road of positive thoughts.
19. Get some exercise.Even ten minutes on the treadmill will help. Exercise can decrease"stress hormones" like cortisol, and increase endorphins (yourbody's "feel-good" chemicals) giving your mood a natural boost. Ifyou don't exercise, go for a walk while feeding your brain withpositive thoughts. Break a sweat. You'll feel better afterward.
20. Take action!When you take action -- regardless of the result -- you feel betterabout yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear andanxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy -- and you willundoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem. So dosomething, and do something now.
Take action!That's all for now, from Agobi Paulinus.
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